Caught up in the spiral

Hello all

Well what a tough week this last one has been. I have committed to a formal practice everyday and yesterday discovered the body scan which helped my recognise the subtle feelings and not so subtle sinking feeling in my stomach.

However, unfortunately today I caught up in the "drama" of the week and what I've termed the script. The "script" for me is the negative voice that tells me I can't I'm useless etc. today I very much found myself caught up in the old pathways that spark negative connections. As I'm writing this there is a sliver of compassion as this is the strongest way my brain knows how to be. However, I'm also mindfully aware of the part that tells me I shouldn't have got caught up in it. This is the battle I seem to be aware of at various times. It seems that whilst aware of it I feel unable to stop the downward spiral.

I have yet to decide whether seeing this is 1. Mindful in itself and 2. Whether there is a way to break the cycle of seeing negative problems all around me.

I would be interested in other people's experiences of similar feelings.

Thanks

The Mindful Way Through Depression

Hello

So since my last blog a few things have happened which have led me to feel a low that I have struggled with.  However thanks to my forum buddies at http://everyday-mindfulness.org/forum/index.php?sid=8a30cb2d601077fd9ff414bf378cb495 I found the courage to purchase the book "The Mindful Way through Depression".

I have started to read it and wow! it has made a lot of sense to me. The more I read of it the more I I have realised that there is much more biology to my thought patterns and depression then I initially thought. I have taken great comfort in the fact that I am normal. I spent many years believing that there was something 'wrong' with me and something 'different' about the way I think. However, I have learnt from this book that my brain has simply developed pathways that make it more vulnerable to depression and there is nothing 'wrong' with me at all. This has lifed a weight off my shoulders. 

I decided to give the exercises a go and yes it has been hard at times. However, there are also times when I have come out of formal practice feeling a lot calmer.  I have practiced most days even if it is for a 3 minute breathing practice.  I have also started to realise that my thinking doesn't help the way I react and feel. 

However, I have tended to realise this after the event and when I have become so tied up in knots that I have become drawn into it.   I guess this is a starting point as it is progress that I have realised this at all.  I need to keep practicing and practicing.  This was never shown better than the day I did a 3 minute breathing meditation and found myself crying.  This was such a different experience I felt that I was able to let my emotions out without self judgement and self loathing. 

I have a lot of work still to do and need to keep practicing my meditations and reading up on mindfulness.  I am recognising the benefits of mindfulness and I hope that this can continue with the help of my forum buddies.

Thanks to you all.

Welcome To My Journey

Good Evening All

Welcome to my journey I hope you will join me in this new adventure.  I have recently become very interested in mindfulness and mindful meditation so I started to read about it and tweet about it.  I also started some practices this was all great and I felt linked into my positive thinking.  However, I soon discovered that mindfulness and positive think are two very different things; in fact they are poles apart.

So what is mindfulness? I think the quote below sums it up nicely and more succintly then I could:



Mindfulness is the art of staying in the moment. Accepting what is. Because it is already here.   (http://mentalhealth.bangor.ac.uk/jan/mindfulness.html)  

So I guess for me it is all about learning to be at peace with the present moment and accepting that it is what it is.  A simple concept but not always an easy one to get to grips with in everyday life.

 

So why write this blog?

I have decided to write this blog as I have had an incredibly challenging week in which my mindfulness practice went out the window.  Yes, even those of us who practice mindfulness are capable of getting caught up in the moment. I will be putting some formal practice into place using Mark Williams' book Finding Peace in a Frantic World. 

 

This is a normal person's journey through the world of mindfulness.  There is nothing extraordinary about my life.  I am just a person who up until now has been dissatisfied with my lot, occassionally anxious and often depressed.  The difference is I am daring to try!!!

 

I hope you will join me on my journey and maybe even share a little of yours along the way.

 

Stay mindful. 

 

x